Tue 29 Jan 2008
I was listening to On Point with Tom Ashbrook talking about how young people are having kids later in life. I would fall in this demographic. I’m yet unmarried, and don’t have children. I just turned 32, and can’t imagine being a Dad until I’m at least 34. Apparently 52 percent of 1st time college educated mothers are over the age of thirty these days.
While the discussion centered around the debate if better or worse for parents to wait until they are older, many of the topics were centered around money. As is often the case many decision involving close relationships (in this case the creation of a child/parent relationship), money is important part of that relationship, especially in the case of children. There were arguments from both sides. A younger woman who decided wtih her husband to have kids earlier rather than later felt that their youth allowed them to be more flexible in spending. They were able to make do with IKEA and Craigslist for their furniture needs -furniture that doesn’t need to be protected from the destructive tendencies of most three year olds. On the other hand, many “older” parents are more mature and feel better prepared financially for the burden of children.
While older parents might be more financially secure, they are also likely to be more set in their ways. Older parents with years to spend money on themselves may find it harder to cut back than younger parents who never got used to spoiling themselves. Raising children is not easy and involves sacrifice. Is it easier tosacrifice at 25 or 35? I’m hoping it’s easier to make sacrifices at thirty five given that at this point in my life, I have no choice in the matter.
One the bigger issues embedded in the parenting question is a career dilemma Women are often unfairly put in situation of choosing between career and family. While the choice should apply equally to both men and women, more often than not it’s the woman who has to choose. Many woman feel that they have to delay starting a family in order to jump start a career. Interestingly one caller to the show, a young mother, thought she would have leg up because she would be ideally situated in her early thirties, finished with the most grueling years of parenting, when others would be pulled parenting needs. Yet, many parents feel like there’s no choice at all. Tom’s producer, Julie Diop, who was featured on the show spoke of her own situation. She’s a producer for public radio show, and her husband a private school teacher. Living in the costly northeast, it would be difficult for them to live on either income alone.
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January 29th, 2008 at 6:38 pm
Biologically speaking, it’s not best to wait until you’re older to have children (at least for women). Many diseases and health problems (including breast cancer for the mother and cerebral palsay for the child) have been causally linked to bearing children over the age of 30 (and it gets worse from there).
Unfortunately it may be socially better to wait. Stronger finances, more maturity, time to get to know yourself and have a career, etc. Plus you’re likely to have a better, stronger marriage (with a less likely change of divorce) if you marry later in life. And most people want to be married before having children.
However it’s also dangerous financially to wait. Many women think they can just get pregnant whenever they decide to, a concept reinforced by the media coverage of older moms. But in reality many if not most of those women have to undergo fertility treatments, drugs, and even invitro fertilization (runs $10,000 and up) and other expensive procedures in order to conceive. That stuff is not usually covered by insurance.
January 30th, 2008 at 11:39 am
Meg, those are great points. I do think women are often between a rock and hard place when it comes to having children.
January 30th, 2008 at 3:27 pm
I would add one thing to Dong’s post.. and that is his “east coast” bias. I notice it all the time… I go back to my hometown in Ohio, and the friends I have that have stayed there have 2 or 3 kids, or a 7 year old.. while my friends on the east coast are at most just getting started.
There is a definitely a trend to have kids later in life, but that trend is magnified in the northeast, where — and this goes to Meg’s post — you are even seeing a trend of health insurers covering fertility treatments. Good luck getting those covered in Ohio.