GoldnSilver writes about her recent bachelor party dilmenna and how she decided to pass on attending even though she’s a bridesmaid. Given that the party was going to be an excursion to Las Vegas, she is more than justified in choosing not to go. Having been to Vegas just last month, I know a weekend in Vegas can easily run over $1000. My personal experience with Bachelor Parties have run the gamut of inexpensive to fairly lavish. However, I’ve never attended one that I either didn’t want or couldn’t afford to be at.

Location Num. of Parties Nights Flight
2 Atlantic City 1 Night No
1 Foxwoods 1 Night No
1 Cape Cod 2 Night No
1 Montreal 2 Night No
1 Puerto Rico 2 Night Yes

The Montreal and Puerto Rico affairs were more expensive given that they were more like Bachelor Party weekends versus a single night out on town, and Puerto Rico even more so because of the flight. I’ve had a great time at every bachelor party that I’ve been to regardless of the location because of the opportunity to spend time with friends some whom I rarely get a chance to see. I’ve also been very lucky in my Bachelor party experience that I’ve walked away from the casinos in the black 4 out of 6 trips, and on one trip particularly positive.

Weddings are often already quite expensive given the potential travel, and hotel costs. Adding the bachelor or bachelorette party to mix can put the total bill for someone else’s wedding well in the excess of $2000 if you’re in the wedding. I think as friends we all want to celebrate both the nuptials and the last nights of singledom for our friends. The question is, what’s appropriate? 

I don’t believe there’s any magical number.  A Bachelor/Bachelorette party should be priced appropriately for the audience.  Different groups of friends will have differing levels of finances. A group of alums from Harvard Business School are going to be different from a group of friends who just finished a stint with the Peace Corps. Then there are the individual differences between friends. Amongst any group of friends there are always ones who are doing better financially than others. For one person a trip to Las Vegas may be a drop in the bucket, and for another the vacation of the year. How do you get everyone on the same page? Unlike weddings where guests have little say on the matter, i.e. whatever the Bride and Groom want. Bachelor and Bachelorette parties are not necessarily so.

While I can’t speak of the details of Bachelorette party, I can speak from my own experiences in Bachelor parties. Most of the time the Bachelor Parties are planned by the best man who is usually a good friend or a brother. A good best man gets a sense of both what the groom wants and what the friends want. Cost is a big part of this equation, and good best man will try to steer a venue on the basis of what he knows financially of the friends and groom. I’ve always been asked point blank if I was willing spend so and so on travel and lodging. Ultimately going to the bachelor party is an elective decision. Not everyone needs to go, but a good best man will try to arrange a party so that the largest number of friends both want to attend and can attend.

The bachelor parties I’ve attended have all been decided via the participants. As a result, I’ve never felt like I’ve been to party where I didn’t want to be because of cost, and think the same could be said of other attendees. We were never dictated to. Obviously a conflict would arise if a groom were dead set on having a party in one place and his friends on another. Given that in such a situation both parties would want to come to agreement a solution can usually be found though both parties would have to compromise. Nobody wants to celebrate his bachelor party alone, and friends generally don’t want to miss out on party. Like any relationship, keeping the lines of communication open between all interested parties is critical.